Saturday

Funny Messages from my collection Part 6





PART 6:


alright, i thought of includin this section in my blog for more than an year.
this is an fascinating collection from my mobile. ever since i started having a mobile i get a lot of messages from my friends. i kept them in my computer even i changed my mobile a number of times.
when someone gets my mobile they usually go to my inbox and laugh their way .
Most of the following material might have some profanity. but forgive me, this is the age for all these shit.
Please Donot take anything personally, this is purely a way of sharing thoughts and joy.
If someone disagrees, then go elsewhere and die yourself.

i have included some Mr.Bush jokes too.----
If you donot understand something, then that could possibly be a local language.leave it to ma local folks.

DISCALIMER : THE FOLLOWING MATERIAL IS EXPLICIT, READ AT OWN RISK. HAD YOU READ THIS, YOU ARE NOT GOOD NOMORE.




*******************************************************************

If girls wear mini skirt, they look SEXY.
How will it look if Boys wear the same?












It will look like a...


CHURCH BELL..:

*******************************************************************

A lady lost three panties in her house. She blamed her maid in front of her husband. The maid replied: 'Sir! you know very well I do not wear an underwear!'.

*******************************************************************

7sex facts ul be shocked 2 know.
1. Masturbation causes impotency in men.



2. The g-spot is located inside d asshole.

3. Sex decreases memory.



4. No mans erection can last for more than 13 mins.



5. oral sex causes mouth ulcer.



6. nipples bcum yellow whn licked.



7. Sperm is a source of poison for women if eaten....



..



zapped?







dont worry none of them is true.



enjoy life ..live hard ....fuck harder.:)

*******************************************************************

Height of Insult :
Wife : if world will get destroyed juz 30 minutes,
what will u do?
Man : Ofcourse SEX.
Wife : Ok! What about the rest 29 minutes...?

*******************************************************************



Girls kill a life when they cheat boys in love..

But boys give a new life (baby) when they cheat girls.
Moral: Boys have a kind heart...

*******************************************************************

Sh: Mummy,that man gave me 10 rupees to climb that tree..

Sh's Mom: Stupid! He wanted to see your Panty..

Sh: I am Clever Mummy, i didnt wear any of them...!

*******************************************************************

Method 2 avoid aids: wear double condom with chilli powder in between.If outer breaks she wil shout.
If inner breaks u wil shout.
Create AIDS awarenes... GN

*******************************************************************

This is the month for Breast Cancer Awarness.


On this note:

Lets say to all those girls who misunderstood us:



"We stare because we care..!!.. Boobs day...

*******************************************************************

Message: Monkeys and girls are same because they fight only for BANANA. But boys and rats are same, they are always searching for new holes... Sexy dreams..


*******************************************************************

A drunken boy on kissing her girl friend.

Boy : Darling..!, Ur lips are bit salty today..

GIRL : Idiot..! U r in between my legs..

Sexy Evening.:-)

*******************************************************************

Lady : I want 2 learn tennis.

Coach: Sure! Hold the racket as u hold ur husband's penis.

Lady : Okay !
Coach : Hey No No.,Mam get the racket Out of your mouth..


*******************************************************************


Lady1: How come your husband is always home on time?
Lady2: I have made a simple rule. SEX will be at 9PM, whether you are here or not.

*******************************************************************

Lips - Heat of love.
Nipple - Peak of love.
Boobs - Shape of love.
Penis - Length of love.
Pussy - Depth of love.
Ass - Base of love.
Fuck - Experience of love.
Suck - Taste of love.
Condom - Care of love.
Sperm- Cream of love.
Marriage- Mistake of love.
Pregnecy- Proof of love.
Child- Punishment of love!
- William Sexpeare

*******************************************************************

Husband entered bedroom naked.
WIFE: Today I have fever.
HUS: I know that. So I coated my PENIS wid Penicillin. Do u want 2 take orally or as injection?..:-)

*******************************************************************

Rich man to Poor man:
How come your Penis so big?

Poor man replied:
Because in childhood i had no other toys to play!!!

*******************************************************************

Little Boy Praying durin new years eve:
O Lord, in this New Year please send clothes for those poor ladies in my brothers computer..



*************************************************************
*************************************************************

70yrs old couple in restaurant

Lady:It's so romantic here
My breasts feel so warm

Man:Yeah
Coz,One is hanging in D coffee & other in D soup

*************************************************************

Girl: Mom I just found tht d boy next door has a penis like a peanut
Mom- it means small, how dare u see that and telling me?
Girl- no its salty mom .??!

*************************************************************


Boy:I liked ur KISS last nite, Especially wen u passed dat chewing gum in2 my mouth Wt a taste!

Girl: Darling,dat was ur condom.

Boy: what ?!!?


*************************************************************

A policemen arrested a prostitute..
Girl : I"m a saleswoman not prostitute. Police : wat r u selling. Girl : I"m selling condoms & offering a FREE DEMO!


*************************************************************


WORLD's WORST QUOTE WRITTEN ON A GIRL's T-SHIRT : "shame on you all boys, i am beautiful and still VIRGIN "

*************************************************************

QUOTE ON a GIRL's TSHIRT:
FRONT : shame on you all boys, i am beautiful and still VIRGIN

BACK : Seriously, What you read infront is past.



*************************************************************


Stages of sex life-
Jus married: Hv sex al ovr d house
Few yrs latr: Hv sex only in d bedroom
Aftr MANY yrs: Jst cross each othr in d hall & say
"FUCK YOU"

*************************************************************

What is the similarity between the SKY and a SKIRT..?? .. The SKY covers the WHOLE GENERATION.....!
The SKIRT covers the GENERATION'S HOLE:-) sexy nit:-)



*************************************************************


Girl asks "What does a COW have FOUR of that
I have only 2 of? Me (after a moment) "LEGS."
Girl: What is in your PANTS that you have but I don't have? Me: POCKETS.
Girl: What starts with C & ends with T is Hairy, Oval, Delicious &Contains thin Whitish Liquid? Me: COCONUT
Girl: What does a Man do Standing up, a Woman does
Sitting down & a Dog does on Three Legs? Me:
SHAKE HAND Moral: Be INNOCENT like me.


*************************************************************

Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage as they are affirmative to the fact that "for 200 grams of sausage it?s not worth buying the entire pig! "




*************************************************************

GIRL: I have sinned. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD.
PSYCHIATRIST Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me.
PSY :You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist kissed the girl )
GIRL: ......Yes!
PSY:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top. PSY:You mean like this ??(Thepsychiatrist put his hand in the girl's top )
GIRL: Yes!
PSY:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
PSY:You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist took off the girl's clothes )
GIRL: Yes!
PSY:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL:But,he had sex with me! PSY:You mean like this? (The psychiatrist had sex with the girl )
GIRL: .Yes!
PSY:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, then he told me he has AIDS.
PSY: BASTARD!!!

************************************************************************


Most difficult golf course in world is
'women'
any style u play
as many shots u try
&
as much perfection u hv
u can nvr get ur balls in!!

************************************************************************


Boy:mom,why am i black & u r white?

Mom:listen son, considering all d crazy things i did years ago,
u shud be thankful that u r not barking!!

************************************************************************



Woman sitting on a park bench.

Beggar: Hi darling! Lets have some fun

She angrily: How dare you?

Beggar: Then What the fuck are doing on my BED? ;-)

************************************************************************


Customer: my wife needs a bra but i don know the size.

Salesgirl: touch my breast and try to calculate.

Customer:Oh i forgot,she needs panties too...


************************************************************************


----- Nurse : Sir, Nan innaikku 5.10'kku polamnu irukken.
Docter : Nee
nallathanemma
irukre... 500,
1000 kke polame...!
Nurse : Docterrrrr....



*******************************************************************








------ Gandhi had sex with Nayanthara using condoms but Nayanthara get pregnant,she said 2 Gandhi,"U Rascal How Many Times I Told U Dont Use Kadar Condoms"...



*******************************************************************




------ SHAKILA's poem:
my breasts are like paper.people who crushed it are more than the people who tried some writing on it.


******************************************************************

Funny Messages from my collection Part 5





PART 5:



alright, i thought of includin this section in my blog for more than an year.
this is an fascinating collection from my mobile. ever since i started having a mobile i get a lot of messages from my friends. i kept them in my computer even i changed my mobile a number of times.
when someone gets my mobile they usually go to my inbox and laugh their way .
Most of the following material might have some profanity. but forgive me, this is the age for all these shit.

i have included some Mr.Bush jokes too.----
If you donot understand something, then leave it to ma local folks.

DISCALIMER : THE FOLLOWING MATERIAL IS EXPLICIT, READ AT OWN RISK. HAD YOU READ THIS, YOU ARE NOT GOOD NOMORE.




//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////


2 Bush went to rob a bank without guns. Still they robbed!

How?

manager was also Bush.

He told ''No problem, i trust you, you can show the gun tomorrow".


//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////



once Bush was standing infront of the mirror wit his eyes closed....
WIFE: wat are u doihg ?......
BUSH: i'm jus lookin how i look while sleeping

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////


a Bush falls in love wit a nurse.....
he planned to express his love in a letter..
he thinks of writing a love letter...
he thinks.....
.....................thinks ....
at last writes " i love u sister"
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
a Bushji saved 6 men out of 25 from a burning house..
still he was jailed.....


why ??
coz all the six men he pulled out were firemen
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
try to understand me and don disturb me anymore..
last night i didn sleep thinking of u...
so, don play wit my life please,,,

....... Bush talking to mosquito..

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
hi can u lend me 10000 rupees, i'll giv it to u within this week........
please don reject me..
i know that h hav..
please lend me ....
....... Bush talking to ATM machine
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
HOTEL OWNER : sir u are getting parcels daily from our hotel, why cant u eat ut here itself??
BUSH : sorry sir ,the doctor has
advised me not to eat in hotels......
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Bush was travelling in train,.........

a women sat on his child's berth ..and she never stood up..

Bush shouted " this lady is not giving BIRTH to my baby".....
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Bush built two swimming pools.........
and left one of them unfilled with water.....

when one man asked why has he done like that.....

he said "one thats for those who dont know swimming".......
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Bush in a bus stop....

A RIDER : sir, do u want lift...
BUSH :sorry ya, my home is in ground floor only.....
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
2 Bushs were fixing bomb in a car..

BUSH1 : what would we do if one of the bomb explodes... when we are fixing it.

BUSH2 : u dont worry i have got an another one.....
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

BUSH1 : why are u crying ????

BUSH2: they cut my fingers for blood test....

BUSH1 :oh ! GOD !!!!
i have come here for urine test...
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

BUSH1 : i saw my wife going to movie wit the watchman..

BUSH2 : this s unfaithful.... what u did //????
did u follow them ??

BUSH1 : no no i have already seen that movie....

BUSH2 : you did right .... elz u could have wastely exhausted ur money..
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

19 Bushs wentout for a movie.....
on seeing this a man asked them why they came in such a large group..

for that one of the Bush replied

"this film s only for those above 18 "
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
INTERVIEWER : just imagine that you are in the third floor....
if it got fire , what will you do ???

BUSH : very simple sir,, i will stop my imagination..
girlfriend of Bush removed all her dress...
and asked Bush to treat her as his wife...


do you know what Bush did ...??

he took alll her clothes and began to wash them...

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
TEACHER : why are you late to college ???

BUSH : i saw a board in front of the college.....

TEACHER : what board ???

BUSH : "" College Zone _ go slow ""
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

a teacher was teaching grammer....


after teaching...

she asked Bush to say a COMPOUND sentence..

Bush said "" STICK NO BILLS """..........
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

a Bush watching TV suddenly got up.......

and searched the whole house for some reason...
made a big mess......

and finally startes scratching his head..
WIfe asked " why dis you do like this??"

BUSH said " oye ! there is some secret camera in our house..
else how the TV guy could correctly day that

"you are watching HBO ' "......

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Bush complained to police...
" sir all items im my home are missing

exept my TV "
POLICE : why the thief didn take the TV ???

BUSH :: because i was watching it .........
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

BUSH :: bless me god...
my son is a gambler....
my daughter is a drug addict...
my wife is a drunkard.....

GOD :: isn't there any positive thing in your life ???!!!

BUSH :: yes, i'm HIV positive....
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////



BUSH 1 : hey, Do you know...

BUSH 2 : what ???

BUSH 1: one day i saw a beautiful lady in the park...

she took me to a lonely place in the park in her bycycle...

BUSH 2: what happeened , next ??

BUSH 1: then , she removed all her dresses...

and asked me to take whatever from her...

BUSH 2:what you did ??

BUSH 1 : i took her bicycle...

BUSH 2: ya, you did right, her clothes wont fit you.......

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

two Bushs laughing behind an ATM machine....

BUSH 1: ha ha , i have seen your password..!!

BUSH 2: okay, tell me whats it ??

BUSH 1: its four stars "****"

Bush 2 :no, you are wrong, its "4564".......

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

BUSH : i need curtains for my computer....

COMPUTER DEALER :why ??

BUSH : oyee !!

i have got WINDOWS installed in my computer yesterdey.....

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

TEACHER : oxygen was discovered in 1823...

BUSH : thank god, i was born after that,
else i would not have survived...

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Bush asked to a lady.....

what is ur friends new cars name..???

LADY :i don know ..

but it starts with "T"
BUSH :he is very very lucky...

my car starts with " Petrol "....

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Bushji fixed his marriage on 2nd march.........

he sent invitation to his friends like this....

"marriage is in 2nd march,

please come on 1st night......

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

once Bush got some tablets....

and he began cutting the sides of the tablet....

do u know why he cut the sides of the tablet ????......

coz he wanted to avoid the side effects...

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

once Bush threat by lightning.....

and now he goes to " hell "

in the hell a man stares at him and askes.....

MAN : why have you died by laughing..??

BUSH : i thought some one was taking a photograph of me...

so, i gave a smiling pose........
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

BUSH : doctor, every bone in my body..

are broken...

DOCTOR : impossible......

BUSH : no, doctor.....

where ever i touch,
i scream in pain..........

DOcTOR : you dirty ass, its not every bone in your body, thats broken......

its your finger... that had broken......

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

DOCTOR : I'M sorry , sir...
your kidney has failed...............

BUSH : hei,,u dirty doctor..

i never let my kidney to study...

then how could it fail??
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////


Bush crying.....

MAN : Bushji, why are you crying ??......

BUSHJI : my mom died..

MAN : okay , dont feel, for it......
thats nature....


then after a phone call , Bush cried louder......

MAN : hey , Bush, what happened now.??

BUSH : my sister phoned me.........

her mom too died it seems.....

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

M.D : i will give you, job as a driver......

your starting salary salary will be rs.3000.

BUSH : oh !! great boss,
starting salary is okay....

how much is my driving salary.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
a train suddenly slips into a crop field......
stumbles and suddenly stops.....

the driver is Bushji.......

PASSENGERS : are u blind...????
how did the train slipped into the field ???

BUSH : a man was walking on the tracks....

PASSENGERS : for one man you endangered so many lives....

you must have smashed him..

BUSH : ya , i was trying to do that

but he ran into the fields....

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
a Bushfor an exam had studied only one essay..."FRIEND"

but in the question paper the essay that was asked was "FATHER"

so, he just replaced "FATHER" in place of "FRIEND "....

and he wrote like this.....

" i'm a very fatherly person..

i have many fathers...

some of my fathers are male... and some are female..


my true father is my neighbour"

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Bush bunked office......
and went home

he saw his wife with his boss...

suddenly he got back and retreated to the office... and said..

" oh ! god ,, great escape, else my boss would have seen me "
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

what is the extreme limit of Bushism ???

two Bushs sitting in an auto rickshaw...


and fighting for the window seat..

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

2 Bushs looking at an egyptian mummy....

BUSH 1: look so many bandages..

pakka lorry accident....

BUSH 2 :hey you see that,

the lorry number is also written..
BC 489....

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

BUSH : my son has swallowed a key...

DOCTOR : when ?

BUSH : before 3 months....

DOCTOR : you fool ,

what have you been doing for the past days ??

BUSH : till now we are using an alternate key..

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Manager: You are appointed..!
Your salary is Rs.10, 000/- and it’ll be 20,000/- next year.
Bush: ok! I’ll join next year…!
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
A Bush (photographer) focusing a dead body!
Sudenly all relatives started beatinb him!
do you know why?
he said "Smile please..."


//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Funny Messages from my collection Part 4





PART 4:


alright, i thought of includin this section in my blog for more than an year.
this is an fascinating collection from my mobile. ever since i started having a mobile i get a lot of messages from my friends. i kept them in my computer even i changed my mobile a number of times.
when someone gets my mobile they usually go to my inbox and laugh their way .
Most of the following material might have some profanity. but forgive me, this is the age for all these shit.

i have included some Mr.Bush jokes too.----
If you donot understand something, then leave it to ma local folks.

DISCALIMER : THE FOLLOWING MATERIAL IS EXPLICIT, READ AT OWN RISK. HAD YOU READ THIS, YOU ARE NOT GOOD NOMORE.






*******************************************************************



----- Man:I want condom

Salesgirl:May I hold ur penis 4 size?

Man:Sure

S-girl:Give him a L!
Wait give him XL
Wait give him XXL

Oh,SHIT
Give me Tissue Paper..



*******************************************************************

---- Why was BUSH arrested in the political rally? Bcoz he saw a journalist girl with a badge on her chest written 'PRESS' and the rest happened as u think...!



*******************************************************************


----- A human can hold his breath 4 a min.
Aftr tht his lungs go weak,his blood circulation reduces&eventually he dies.So hav mercy on othrs.






USE DEODORANTS




*******************************************************************

---- Tis sms is rated no7 in d top sexmsgs in US last yr. Read at own risk. Sucking pusy s dangerous 2 health coz it contains
1)10% urine
2)10% period blood 3)10% shit
4)10% tampon debris
5)10% dried cum 6)10% other guys spoof
7)10% sweat
8)10% dirt
9)10% foul smell
Its only 10% safe.
but 100% njoymnt..


*******************************************************************


---- A small argument between couple turns violent. The angry husband says, "dont let the animal in mé come out". Wife replies, "who s scared f a mouse" :-)


*******************************************************************

----- Boy:shal i kiss you?
Girl:no, my lipstick will be wiped off!
B:shal i massage your breasts?
G:no, my Tee shirt will get wrinkles!
B:shall i fuck you?
G:no, Period time!
B:i will ask you a final thing, dont say that you got LOSSE MOTION or DYSENTRY. !!!



*******************************************************************


---- A tiger was giving wedding party to his friends.A cat came there, and danced. tiger asked who are u? cat said i was also a tiger before my marriage.


*******************************************************************


----- A man was carying 3 babies in a train.

Lady sitting next asked: R they ur babies?

MAN:No i'm working in a condom factory & these r CUSTOMER COMPLAINTS!



*******************************************************************

------ Failure is not.. When your girlfriend leaves you... It's only when.. You let her go VIRGIN...!


*******************************************************************

---- Girl1: i made a mistake by marrying a petrol shop boy
Girl 2: why?what happened?
G1:after putting the thing inside, he asked me 1 liter ir 2 liter. just to kid i told him 1 liter.
G2: then what happened?
G1: fucker, he pondered a while and informing me that 25ml oil and 975ml pertrol. he pissed inside mine.


*******************************************************************


------ Doctor: u r looking like my third wife...
Lady: how many wives r u having?
Doctor: two...!!!

Xpress
ideas smartly...


*******************************************************************


---- We lift those who are going down,
we bring them closer who are going apart..
We are not
SOCIAL WORKERS.
We are.........










BRA
Manufacturers !




*******************************************************************



----- Wife in sexy mood lovingly offers:
I want to have a wild experience. Tie me up & do whatever you want..
Excited husband ties her up & rapes the maid.


*******************************************************************


----- Girls prayed 2 God y don't u make boys penis more beautiful.
God:No way, though i made it ugly u suck it. If i made beautiful u'll eat it...!!


*******************************************************************


----- In Cinema Theatre.
BOY:lets go to the corner seat.
GIRL:will you kiss me?
BOY:No
GIRL:will you do pom-pom in my pockets?
BOY:No
GIRL:will you insert your finger in my panty?
BOY:No
GIRL:Errrr!! will you fuck me?
BOY:No
GIRL:Goddamn, then for what the fuck you brought me to the corner seat.


----- by "what is sex ?"" kids.



*******************************************************************


----- A few quotes on girls t-shirt..

*''there's a face above this...Don't forget..!!''

*"Objects here appear bigger than they are..!"

*"ahhh..!
I made u look at it!"

*"FCK..
All tat is missing is U !"

*"dont try to find sun here..
Its not mountain!"

*"this one is really tough for Edmund Hillary!




*******************************************************************


----- Elephant to camel: Why do u've boobs on ur back?
Camel: That's a fucking good question from someone with a penis on his face...!



*******************************************************************



------- Newtons 9th Law of motion :-:
Every soul has a pole or a hole..
Wen the pole goes into the hole,
a new soul comes out of the hole
either wit a pole or a hole.


*******************************************************************


-------- 1 more AIDS awareness slogan.,


'Either use 1st HAND or JUST HAND, but never go 4 d 2nd or 3rd HAND which u get near bus stand! ;-)


*******************************************************************


----- Height of shame. :
Running with an erect pennis towards a wall and breaking the nose first...




*******************************************************************




----- Read carefully:




She offered him honour. He honoured her offer & Then - the whole night, In honour of her offer, He was, "Onher & Offher"



*******************************************************************


----- height of confidence :



10 boys decided 2 pick up a college girl. 9 boys came with rose. 1boy cme wth rose &condom.That is confidence.
so be that one boy..


*******************************************************************




------- Take this stress test.. By answering these 2 q's...


1. Which mouse has two legs?

.

.


.


.


.


.

Mickey mouse!



2. Which duck has 2 legs?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

If u answered Donald duck



-U r under stress...

BeCause

All ducks have 2 legs!

so chill out..
B cool always..



*******************************************************************

----- Cool Fundas of Life:
1)Money is not everything. There's mastercard & Visa.
2)One should love animals. They are so tasty.
3)Save water. Drink wine
4)Love ur neighbour. But don't get caught with their parents.
5)Every one should marry b'coz happiness is not the only thing in life.


*******************************************************************

----- How do u tel ur Girlfrnd if u wan 2 go 2 toilet during Dinner Date?



"Darling,I hav 2 shake hands wit a close frnd of mine whom I'm going 2 introduce 2 u later".



*******************************************************************

----- Great personalities like us operate on d principle of rocket science....
ie..

Until n unless our ass is on fire,v dont work seriousLy..;)


*******************************************************************


----- Thought for Life :


We all love to spend lots of money for buying new clothes but never realise that best times r enjoyed without clothes - swami gilmananda..



*******************************************************************

------ When i used to go for marriages old people usd to pull my cheeks and say "u r next"



they stoppd doing it whn i did d
same 2 them at funerals.



*******************************************************************



*******************************************************************


------ Gandhi had sex with Nayanthara using condoms but Nayanthara get pregnant,she said 2 Gandhi,"U Rascal How Many Times I Told U Dont Use Kadar Condoms"...



*******************************************************************




------ SHAKILA's poem:
my breasts are like paper.people who crushed it are more than the people who tried some writing on it.




*****************************************************************

Funny Messages from my collection Part 3





PART 3:


alright, i thought of includin this section in my blog for more than an year.
this is an fascinating collection from my mobile. ever since i started having a mobile i get a lot of messages from my friends. i kept them in my computer even i changed my mobile a number of times.
when someone gets my mobile they usually go to my inbox and laugh their way .
Most of the following material might have some profanity. but forgive me, this is the age for all these shit.

i have included some Mr.Bush jokes too.----
If you donot understand something, then leave it to ma local folks.

DISCALIMER : THE FOLLOWING MATERIAL IS EXPLICIT, READ AT OWN RISK. HAD YOU READ THIS, YOU ARE NOT GOOD NOMORE.



*******************************************************************


*******************************************************************


A man tried 2 break a ration store queue,but caught& thrown back.He tried 2nd time& caugt thrown back.He got up& said "okay bitches, i wont open the shop today !!!". Gud morn:-).:-).:-)

*******************************************************************

------ Fate is like getting raped
If u can't fight, learn to enjoy it.

Work is like a group sex
10 people are behind ur ass to take ur place.

Education is like hiring a prostitute.
It needs both money & hard work.

Success is like masturbation.
Only ur own hand can let u achieve it......
Sexy dreams.

*******************************************************************


------ Q:What is your idea of horror scene?
Ans:- When you are having sex with a pregnant woman and SUDDENLY a hand holds your penis from inside..


*******************************************************************

------ Girl 2 Saint: Can i c d future?
Saint: Gt nakd & bend & he startd oiling her ass..
Girl: It feels u're going 2 fuck me.
Saint: see Now u're startin 2 c d future.. hav a sexy nit...

*******************************************************************


------ A famous prostitute dies.

At her funeral
a man says,"Atleast now, they will b together."

Other man asked,"R u talking about her husband?"

No...!
her LEGS.!!....



*******************************************************************

------ GIRL-Xcuse me brother, thats' my seat.
BOY-Ok! But I'm nt ur brother, my father nvr fuckd ur mom.
GIRL-True, but my father did !
Moral: NEVER ACT OVER SMART..


*******************************************************************

------ Dad brought Robot which slaps a person who lies!

Dad-Son, where were u?

Son-School!
Robot slaps.

S-Film.

D-Which one?

S-Sai Baba!
Robot slaps again!

S-Blue film.

D-What?! I have never seen such films.
Robot slaps dad.

Mom 2 dad-Forgive him dear, after al he is ur son.
Robot slaps mom!


*******************************************************************


----- Who is the true music lover?
Ans: A girl is singing in a bathroom while taking bath & a boy near the keyhole is using his ears and not his eyes.!!!



*******************************************************************


----- An Indian girl maried a Spanish man n went 2 Spain. She dn't knw Spanish. If she wntd 2 buy leg piece of chicken she wud lift her skirt n show her leg. n this went on 4 some time. One day she wanted 2 buy banana. She took her husband 2 shop, u no why?
.
.
Because he know spanish. Dont think negatively...


*******************************************************************




----- There s a clock in heaven, everytime u lie, its hand moves.
Harichandra's never moved.:-O
Dharmaraya's moved once.:-O And God s using urs as a ceiling fan!!! Ha ha:-P:-P:-Pkeep smiling...Good mornin. Hav a great day:-*



*******************************************************************

----- Priest was rubbing Nun's thigh.
Nun: "Plz read Bible's verse 89."
Priest gets ashamed, apologises, goes home reads verse 89.
It said: GO HIGHER TO FIND GLORY!

*******************************************************************


----- Marriage is
lik
going to a
Restaurant...
U order
Your choice
from
the menu,
and then
look at the
neighbouring table and wish

"SHIT! I SHOULD HAVE ORDERED THAT


*******************************************************************


----- Love is not measured by kissing hugging &sex

It's al abt trusting respecting &accepting a person with

open legs,closed eyes&wet lips saying

PUSH IT MORE...


*******************************************************************



----- A 65 year old man went for sperm count. Doctor gave bottle to collect sperm. Next day man returned with a empty bottle & told that he tried with left hand then with right hand.
Then his wife tried with left hand, right hand,
Then his daughter-in-law tried with both hands, and also with her mouth.
Then his neighbours tried same way...
But,




all could not open the
" BOTTLE CAP"
But i like the way u think..


*******************************************************************

----- BUSH givin speech 2 deaf people,

rubs chest,

touches dick & starts masturbatin

Wen askd he says"It means- Ladies & Gentlemen it gives me gr8 pleasure".


*******************************************************************

----- Maid cleaning bed room found a used condom and kept looking at it . madam asked don't u have sex in village "yes we do but not till the skin drops off "

*******************************************************************


----- Sardar1:My wife is afraid of water.



Sardar2:How do u know?



Sardar1: Last nite when I returned home,she was in the bath tub with our security guard...:-)


*******************************************************************


----- Teacher:why did u laugh?
Boy:I saw 1 strap of ur bra
' Teacher:GET OUT of class for 1 week
2nd boy laughed
Teacher:why did u laugh?
Boy:I saw both straps
Teacher:GET OUT FOR 1 MONTH She bent down 2 take chalk, litle Jony startd walkin out.
Teacher:Jony, why r u goin out?
Jony- what i just saw.. I think my scool days r ovr.


*******************************************************************


----- brides dad gave a note to groom before marriage " GOODS DELIVERED R NOT RETURNABLE"groom gave another note back t father "CONTRACT VOID IF SEAL IS BROKEN"

*******************************************************************


----- Man Teases his ex-wife's
new husband:
So dude, how is the second-hand stuff?

New husband: Not bad. After the first 3 inches, she's Brand New ! ;-)


*******************************************************************


------ little dog:
mama , whos my dad??
Mother dog:
he was at my back even at the last minute workin hard, how do you see a person if he's works at the back ?
little dog: mama !!



*******************************************************************


----- 3 male pencil and 1 female pencil are in a pencil box...
If the female is pregnant who is responsible for her pregnancy ??
Ans - the pencil without the rubber.



*******************************************************************


----- Teacher: explain responsibility with example?
Students: madam your blouse has four buttons if three break down entire responsibility will be on the fourth button.


*******************************************************************


----- Girl enters a sex shop...
Girl:Where is the vibrator section?
Clerk:Over there mam..
Girl:How much this big red one?
Clerk:Sory mam that's a fire extinguisher..


*******************************************************************


----- Girl asked dog how can u give so many puppies, tat also so many different colours, how is it possible?
Dog says "u walk on road naked then u will know" .


*******************************************************************


----- An elephant was starring at a naked man . Man asks d elephant y r u starring at me likr this..
Elephant: am wonderin hw cn u breathe wid dat little thing... ;-)


*******************************************************************

----- Physics Teacher
proposes 2
Chemistry Teacher:
When I Saw UR
Conical Jars,
My Pendulum Has
Started Oscillating!
ChmstryTechr
Happyly:dont talk! I need Solution!


*******************************************************************


------ Wife s satisfied wit sex life.But husband always fucks her in dark.So 1day she switched on light n was shocked 2 find her husband usin a carrot 2 fuck her.

Angrily she asks:were u fuckin me lik dis from beginnin?
Hus:ya
wif: u cheatin bastard!
Hus:who s a cheat?1st giv explanation for our children!


*******************************************************************


----- Girl is the Best Vehicle in the world. Front 2Bumpers, back 2Bumpers!
Self lubricant When Hot! Finger Touch Ignition.
Monthly Automatic Engine Oil Change!
Every Type of Piston Fits! Highest Mileage of 10 months in just 2ml...

Funny Messages from my collection Part 2





PART 2:


alright, i thought of includin this section in my blog for more than an year.
this is an fascinating collection from my mobile. ever since i started having a mobile i get a lot of messages from my friends. i kept them in my computer even i changed my mobile a number of times.
when someone gets my mobile they usually go to my inbox and laugh their way .
Most of the following material might have some profanity. but forgive me, this is the age for all these shit.

i have included some Mr.Bush jokes too.----
If you donot understand something, then leave it to ma local folks.

DISCALIMER : THE FOLLOWING MATERIAL IS EXPLICIT, READ AT OWN RISK. HAD YOU READ THIS, YOU ARE NOT GOOD NOMORE.


*******************************************************************


----- Marriage is like a vehicle. Husband and wife r 2 tyrs of the vehicle. if 1 punctures, the vehicle wl nt move. So brilliant people keep"STEPNEY"..!


*******************************************************************


----- Types of farters:


CLEVER- Pass d gas silently & sit quietly.
SHY- pass slowly & smiles.
ARROGANT- Pass loudly & laughs.
UNLUCKY- Tries to fart but shits..

*******************************************************************


----- Which is d Worst moment in Ur life?







Wen U r giving lip to lip kiss 2 Ur girl frnd nd suddenly she vomits in Ur mouth!
Jus imagin&njoy Good Morning

*******************************************************************


----- Don take things in wrong sense, Wen

>Dr says take off ur clothes.
>Dentist says open wide.
>Interior deco says once its in, u'll love it.
>Banker says if u take out soon u'll loose interest.
>Telephone guy says wud u like it on table or against d wall.

I hope u understood in d RIGHT sense!;-)

*******************************************************************

----- Technology Impact: father emails son- Dear son, how are u? Ur mom & myself r fine & v miss u a lot. Plz turn off ur computer & come downstairs 4 dinner. gud morning..:-)

*******************************************************************


----- U.K.G 2050 : Niple Niple LitlE Star
can i fuck u in my car
up abv ur Breast so high,always milky nvr dry
let me pres it dnt feel shy
open ur BRA let me try:-)

*******************************************************************


-------Laws dat Newton 4got 2 tell U:

-LAW OF ENCOUNTER.
When u go out, n u dont wanna see someone, he or she wil stand exactly in front of u!!

-LAW OF PHONE CALL
When u dial a wrong no. U'll never get an engaged tone.

-LAW OF ITCHING
Whenever ur hands are greasy, ur nose wud definitely itch.

-LAW OF BATHING.
When U have jus begun bathing, it is exactly tat time that ur calling bell or mob wud ring.


*******************************************************************


------ Newtons 3 sex laws
1-A hole always attracts a pole
2-Length of pole is equal 2 depth of hole
3- Up & down motion, releases a lotion,wich increases population...


*******************************************************************



----- If a MAN has NIPPLES in his hands den,Wat will he have between his LEGS?





BUCKET.He s milking a COW.THINK DECENTLY ATLEAST ONCE A DAY...


*******************************************************************



------ What is worse than finding a worm in the apple that you have bitten into???











Finding only half a WORM....!!!

*******************************************************************



------ Height Of Sexuality: A nude woman climbing the leaning tower of pisa





the tower becomes straight...!!!

*******************************************************************


----- Wat is d height of confusion?






Two Earth Worms playing







"HIDE & SEEK" in a plate full of NOODLES ! ! !

*******************************************************************



------ Do u knw wen a gal gets full mark and boys get fail in internal...?


Ans: It's wen they both remov their 1st button of shirt in front of external! Its a fact..


*******************************************************************


------ An ass behind another ass. Behind that I and behind me the whole nation.. BUSH teaching his children the spelling of 'assassination'.

*******************************************************************

------ I dont xpct Myslf 2 b da most importnt prsn in Ur lyf.
what wud make Me hapy is,1 day wen U c Ur kidz play,U jus smile n say. . .
Thanks da machi!!

*******************************************************************


------ Heights Of Playing Games



A man's dead body found in a cupboard



&





He was declared Winner of Last Year's Hide & Seek championship!


*******************************************************************



------ Bush xperimenting on a Cockroach.
He cut its 1 leg n told to walk. Cockroach began moving slowly.
He continud this til all legs wer cut.
Then he told iit 2 walk, but it didnt move.
So he wrote the conclusion:
If all the legs of a cockroach wer cut, it loses its ability to hear...!smiley evening friend:-).



*******************************************************************

----- Johny came cryin.

Dad:wt happend?

Johny:2day at class wen v got up 4m our seats 4 prayer, rita, who sit in front of us,had her skirt stuck btw her ass.
Seein tat my benchmate pulled it out.

Dad:tats bad.But Y r u cryin?

Johny:I knew tats bad. so i pushed it back into her ass n she slapped me...

*******************************************************************

----- Sardar 2 milkman- Why didnt you come for 3 days?
Milkman- My wife was not well.
Sardar- So what? You could have brought Cow or Buffalo milk atleast!.....


*******************************************************************


------ Every organisation is like a tree full of monkeys. Ones at the top can only see monkeys below them and ones at the bottom see only assholes above them...

*******************************************************************


------ Bush trying 2 avoid doctor's fees, After eye operation, Sardar says, i can't see..
Dr asks a sexy nurse to undress in front of him..
He again says i can't see..
Dr tells nurse 2 open HER legs.. Again he says i can't see..
Dr- Basterd, then for what the fuck your penis is lookin up the ceiling ?

*******************************************************************

Funny Messages from my collection Part 1





PART 1:



alright, i thought of includin this section in my blog for more than an year.
this is an fascinating collection from my mobile. ever since i started having a mobile i get a lot of messages from my friends. i kept them in my computer even i changed my mobile a number of times.
when someone gets my mobile they usually go to my inbox and laugh their way .
Most of the following material might have some profanity. but forgive me, this is the age for all these shit.
Please Donot take anything personally, this is purely a way of sharing thoughts and joy.
If someone disagrees, then go elsewhere and die yourself.

i've split this section into 5 parts, just like that to put some 20-30 items in a post.

i have included some Mr.Bush jokes too.----
If you donot understand something, then that could possibly be a local language.leave it to ma local folks.

DISCALIMER : THE FOLLOWING MATERIAL IS EXPLICIT, READ AT OWN RISK. HAD YOU READ THIS, YOU ARE NOT GOOD NOMORE.




*******************************************************************

Entrance Exam Question Paper..

Fill in the blanks.

Q1, If a girl faints then we should first touch and check her PU_S_ ??

.

.

.

.

.

.
Those who wrote PULSE got admission in medical college, rest joined Engineering.


*******************************************************************

HARD FACT:
No matter how many job POSITIONS taken over by women & claims of equality, There will always be certain openings
that only men can fill.

*******************************************************************

What is the world's heaviest thing and the world's lightest thing???

.

.

.

.

Sperm is the world's heaviest thing even the mighty Hercules cannot stop it,
Penis is the world's lightest thing even Imagination can lift it.

*******************************************************************

A Girl goes to repair her umbrella..

Repair man:: we need to strip off the upper cover and put in a new rod at the bottom.

Girl :: Never mind, do whatever but i cannot sustain a single drop inside.

*******************************************************************


Judge :: U want 2divorce ur Husband for Attacking U with a deadly weapon.?

WIFE :: Sir, U got Me Wrong...! I'm Divorcing him for ATTACKING ME EVERY NIGHT with a DEAD WEAPON.

*******************************************************************


---- Penis says to his balls, "Alright friends get ready i will take u 2 to a party.

Balls reply: U fucking liar, you always go inside and leave us knocking outside...

*******************************************************************


----- what will you think when you look at an overburnt toast and a pregnant lover???




Fuck, should have taken it a minute before.


*******************************************************************



----- "VAGINA POEM"
A Hole that Never Heals,
More U Rub
The Better It Feels;
No Medicine No Pills;
All It wants is
A ROD that Drills.
-(William Sexxpeer)


*******************************************************************


------ Height of disappointment:



?



?





?




?





?


A woman found out that Philip's 21 inch was actually a tv...!!:-)


*******************************************************************s


----- A squirrel went to a elephant prostitute. The squirrel gave Rs.100 to elephant. They were doing sex under a coconut tree. Suddenly a coconut fell on the elephant from the tree. The elephant screamed in pain.The squirrel says 'Fuck yeah !! thats the power of my hundred rupees bitch !!"

*******************************************************************


------

Girls reaction to
Penis sizes!
9'-oh shit pain!
8'-ah slowly
7'-oh yes,yum!
6'-oh perfect!
5'-mmm ok
4'-push more!
3'-is it in?
2'-idiot.! just use
Ur tongue.

*******************************************************************




---------Six things boys do in exam hall

1.Counting No of Girls
2. Sighting the Lady Superviser
3. Counting How Many Windows & Doors
4. Seeing the brand name of the pen
5.feelings for wasting yesterday's night
6. Feeling to study well for next exam...





Six things gals do in exam hall



1. write



2. write



3. write



4. write



5. write



6. write



BOYZ ALWAYS ROCK.


*******************************************************************



----- In the running bus boy tells to girl...

Boy : hey you are standing for a long time, shall i stand up and leave my seat to you?

Girl : hello mister, mind your fuckin work. had i been an old lady, would you ask this queation to me and still leave your seat.

Boy : Goddamn, are you not an old lady, perhaps i thought you were.
Girl :?????!!!.-.

*******************************************************************


------ Teacher: John why did u bring ur cat 2 school..?

John : (crying) I heard my father telling my mom "I'm going 2 eat ur pussy after the kid goes 2 school...!"

*******************************************************************



------ A Kid by chance enters into Parents Bedroom and is shocked at what he sees. He shouts at his Mom n says, "AND YOU SCOLD ME FOR JUST SUCKING THE THUMB"...! ;-)


*******************************************************************


----- Woman goes 2 doctor after being raped by an elephant.

Dr: Y is ur vagina 30" wide,wen an elephant's penis s of 5"?

Woman: D bastard fingered me 1st...

*******************************************************************

------ Those who have it, take it in their hand&shake it. Those who don hav it put their finger inside n shake it.
Wat's it?









TOOTHBRUSH ! ALWAYS THINK GOOD

*******************************************************************


----- Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No" said the mom "of course not!" Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!" ... Good morning. Begin your day with a smile :)



*******************************************************************

----- Girl-Show Bra.
SalesMan-36 size?
Gl-No Smaller
SM-32?
Gl-No Mor Smal
SM-28?
Gl-More Smaller
SM-20?
Gl-Litle More Small
SM- Madam Stick
1 BandAid,
It mst b a Pimple..

*******************************************************************


----- Height of Shock :
During first night if
a wife says to her husband, "Please Don't
use Condom, I am
Allergic to it.." . Hav a SEXY SATURDAY . . . ;-)


*******************************************************************